Death is everywhere

november 16, 2010 kl. 11:55 e m | Publicerat i Reflektioner | Lämna en kommentar

M E M E N T O   T E   M O R T A L E M   E S S E

When I wake up in the morning, I cannot tell where I will be in the evening: in the ordinary world or in eternal darkness.

The news are filled with death.

The concept of death is woven into poems and songs and novels, it is delivered to you on TV, at the cinema, in the opera house.

Death is everywhere.

Once I was a soldier.

Once a soldier, always a soldier.

Nowadays, I wear white collar and turn the wheels of the machinery of the state in order to keep society from falling apart.

I’m doing good: together with an army of tens of thousands of men and women who make contributions under tough circumstances day after day after day. Most white collars are working class heroes.

When I die, I will know that I served well: that I did what my country expected from me.

I also gave women love, and I even received some in return. Whether or not I will find love again, I can die satisfied.

For many years I longed for death. Now, when I don’t long for it anymore, I am somewhat afraid of it: sometimes I really don’t care if my heart stops beating the next second, sometimes I’m really scared it will.

It’s as if I haven’t made up my mind about life: have I been there, done that, seen everything, or is my lust for life an unstoppable force, eager to experience new things and repeatedly enjoy good old favourites as well?

Perhaps the best way to find out what it is that you want more from life is to imagine that you are buried alive in a coffin. No, that’s not good. The only thing you would want in a situation like that is probably to break out and see the sky again. It’s better to imagine that you’re already dead. You are in a coffin, dead, thinking about the world: what you would do if something brought you back to life, or if you were reborn in another body or something like that. What would you do if the gift of life was given to you again?

The most efficent way to perform this experiment would be to lie down on a bed or a couch and close your eyes. Don’t climb into a coffin in hope of maximum effect. Things might turn out ugly.

Sitting in front of your computer and close your eyes for a while might work just as good as lying down. The important thing is to be really still and imagine eternal darkness. Then, I guess there will be some pictures in your mind: some scenes were you imagine yourself doing things that you would love to do, be it simple things like having an ice cream, a drink in the sun, a drink in the shadow, a dance with someone you know or perhaps a total stranger, a trip to a foreign land, a mega city or some ruins in the jungle, a book never read, a movie never seen, some music never listened to before: simple things like that. Diamonds and pearls, an Academy Award, the Pulitzer Prize, the cover of a magazine, or the centerfold. The list is long and life is short.

I didn’t even have to close my eyes. The experiment worked anyway.

Håkan Tendell

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